Breaking up sucks most of the time, even when you agree that it’s the right thing to do, rejection always stinks more than the bathroom at a cheap pub. Now there is so many options for breaking up: starting with the text and finishing with the ceremonial break up dinner.
I am a great supporter of the short and sweet text break ups because I don’t want a whole event made out of me getting rejected. What are we going to do next? A break up party? where you break up in public and after that you take questions from the audience?
Typical, you hear someone saying “at least you deserve that he/she breaks up with you in person”; to me, that sounds like “at least you deserve that your death is painful and slow”.
Lets look at how a regular breakup would go, vs. a text breakup:
Breaker: (over the phone) We need to talk about our relationship
Breakee: (freaks out) hmmm ok, when?
Breakee: ok (can’t sleep and has a horrible night)
The next day…
Breaker: It’s not you, it’s me. I have no time for relationships right now, I need to find myself
Honest breaker: I’ve met someone hotter, I’ve met someone with more money, you’re too dumb, your boobs are too small
Breakee: whyyy? Oohh why???
Breaker: I am sorry, don’t cry!
Breakee: (cries and then goes home humiliated, to cry some more and watch something like Bridget Jones or The Holiday)
TEXT BREAK UP
Breaker: I don’t want to see you again
See? Short and sweet, no humiliation needed. In case there is still doubt, I’ll list the benefits of a text break up:
– If you cry no one sees you/ If someone is crying for you, you’ll never know
– You can be honest (or pretend) that you also wanted to break up/ you can pretend that you believe them
– You have time to think about questions that you want to ask/ you have time to think about your answers
– If you REALLY want to follow up and ask for an explanation, you can arrange to do that later (who wants a further explanation on why this person doesn’t want you?)
– You don’t have to sit through the most awkward meal ever, or pack your food to go mid-bite so you can go home and cry.
– People don’t have to watch you break-up/ that can actually be fun for the other people that are watching.
Conclusion: text break ups are the way to go, please don’t do the “Break up post it” a la Berger from Sex and the City, that is just tacky.
What are your Break Up tips? Or funny experiences that you’d like to share?