Category Archives: perfection

Who has it all figured out? No one

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I dated a guy last year who was 30, I always have perfect timing: I dated him when he didn’t know what he heck he wanted to do with his life. He  had broken up recently with a live in girlfriend and that was a big mess, and he was debating between alternatives such as moving to the country to open a cigar store, working Downtown at a small consultants firm or working at the most evil corporation in the world. Silly me, I thought that he would figure it all out soon and it would all be OK, the reality was, it just got worse and things ended.

The thing is, when I heard that someone was debating between working with Green Peace to save the whales or selling everything and go live under a rock in a glacier in Newfoundland Canada, I judged them, a LOT. I didn’t understand how you can be 30 and not know what you’re doing, we are adults and we should know what we want, right? WRONG

It is so easy to judge until this happens to you, it seems like when I look around everyone I know is questioning who they are, and more importantly, what they believe; or they are swimming deep in the sea of denial 😛 (I don’t know what to do with these swimmers, do we throw them a floating device? or let them swim happily?)

What happens if you change a major belief in your life? Are you suddenly a different person? A bad person? What if you start liking a different type of guy? Or the same sex? Or casual relationships? Or quit your job to open a cupcake store? What if you change your religion from Baptist to Scientology?

When you are almost 30 is the time where you wonder what the heck you’re doing with your life, in general. At least I think I got it figured out when it comes to work/occupation, so that is a little bit less stress. But currently I am questioning everything else, I am questioning beliefs and I am regretting the time I’ve wasted being strict when I should have been living.

The truth is, the karma for judging others is that you are judging yourself just as severely.

Rolling in puppies: How I’ve changed and why puppies are so much better than kids

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One day, in your twenties you realize how much you’ve changed, your priorities are not the same, and you need to make some changes. 27 years and one very hard and complicated immigration process later, I can say that:

–          I no longer care what people who are not my friends think about me, I don’t even want to be Facebook friends with people that I think are mean, stupid, silly or simply don’t bring anything positive to my life. Yes, this goes to you mean girl that laughed at me in High School, silly girl that writes status such as “At home”, “Having dinner with my boyfriend @whatshisname I love you baby” and the legendary “I’m hungry”.

–          10 good friends are more than enough: I don’t need more friends. If I meet new people, I can hang out, but they’re on probation. Every time I trusted people fast, I ended up in disaster (see posts from a year ago, specifically, the famous 180.

–          The people that you are ellegedly “diplomatic with”, those ones that you put so much effort for, just to maintain an OK relationship, the ones that take up too much time, that don’t bring anything good to your life THEY’RE NOT WORTH IT. In everything that you do in life you have to get something to give something, that guy who you would never ask for advice because he’s insane, but who you still talk to for “old times’ back in 2001 sake” NOT WORTH IT! What did I get for all the hours I lost listening to a loser talk about his one night stands and DUI legal issues? Lost hours and insults when he flipped out about something stupid because he has anger management issues, that’s what I got. DUH!

–          Having children is not a life goal and it’s greatly overrated: After you’ve been through real problems in life, you have a hard time imagining living life with this problems plus raising up children! Children who need to be oriented in life, children who will keep you up at night, who will make you spend so much money in diapers; and later will keep you up at night when they’re partying and you’re praying that they’re not doing drugs or something worse, begging that they only have one drink in high school parties (because no-drinks is too much to ask), and praying that they won’t say that they won’t go to college to go be a professional groupie. Honestly, having a dog is so much more rewarding, dogs love you no matter what, education is easier and cheaper for them, they’re completely consequent and you don’t have to worry about their future, or have “talks” with them.

Don’t get me wrong, if you still think that having children is something you want to do, please go ahead; but consider everything before you decide. STOP HAVING CHILDREN BECAUSE BABIES ARE CUTE. DOGS ARE CUTE…FOREVER.

I’m still not sure if I want to have children, for now, a lifetime of rolling in puppies sounds good (see Peter Griffin’s dream below)

Overthinkers anonimous

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Lately I’ve been thinking about the kind of therapy that would suit me well, and I would like to form a support group for overthinkers.
Well most of the group would be formed by girls, and you can be one if you find yourself over analyzing every little and tiny detail of your life to conclude…nothing!
Always answering the questions: what did I do wrong?, What could I’ve done better?

Why life didn’t go exactly as I planned if I planned it so much?

Well, there will come a day (it always does) when things get out of hand, and you’ve done everything you could to control things, you have nothing else to do but be patient, or have a nervous breakdown.

So today I had a choice: Accept the reality of things, pray for the best, make the best of each day or die of migraine and other health problems caused by stress and overthinking (isn’t that the same thing?). I choose the first one, wish me luck!

Some poems don’t rime

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It may sound stupid that I want a perfect life, if I say it out loud it sounds like I don’t know what I’m talking about. But in reality, that is the reason what I suffer and the goal that I have looked for.
Why small things in life, that I can’t avoid make me feel so bad? Why do I think that I have bad luck, or that I’m doing something wrong or that it’s in some way my fault.
sometimes mistakes are so painful, that preventing them sounds like a good idea; trying to leave a foolproof life, free from mistakes, to avoid pain.
In the end by trying to do that what you get is a life of overthinking, overplanning and overcontroling. With more or less the same mistakes, but know you dwell on them more, you suffer longer and your expectations are to high. You punish yourself for being such a fool, for allowing this mistakes, when clearly you were wrong, you could have prevented them…and so the vicious circle creates itself and goes on and on.
But one day you look around, and so many people make as many mistakes as you, or maybe a couple more, but seem happier. You wonder why is that, if you’re putting so much more effort and you’re making sure that you’re constructing the perfect life that you deserve.
And then your realization will be that you’ll make mistakes no matter what. One time I heard someone say “You are not here to be perfect, you are here to live”. What changes is your attitude and the way you see things, the time you stay down, the time it takes you to shake the dust from yourself, get up and say: Now I’ve learned and I want to move on.

 

>Why do we expect perfection?

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>Fear of the unknown…maybe the most common fear of all.
I think that around 25 we all get into a crisis and ask ourselves, are we doing everything OK, or am I a mess?
Am I a failure because I’m not what society/my family/my parents expect of me?
Should I be happy?
The last question is really stupid, but is true, we even question in our heads if we deserve to be happy with what we have of if we should look for more and more…
The obviuos question is yes, we ae put into this world to always be happy.
So what’s the secret of happiness? I think it is a combination difficult to achieve: self confidence + being possitive + being good to others + living the moment…
Why is it so difficult?
And why during a crisis it seems that the worst in us arises?
Right now I’m facing big changes and although I know I’m smart, nice, and everything I need to make it, I’m afraid to fail.
But it is going to be really difficult to be happy IF I NEED PERFECTION to feel acomplished.
I need to accept that things might not go as planned, but that I’m lucky and very blessed.
Many people like me the way I’m, many others don’t…
I think thath everyone has to find their true identity at 20 something, to be happy.
And you need to accept yourself, change what you don’t like and just live, just do the things you dreamed of, even if the results are not what you expected.
There’s nothing worse thatn indiference to others and to ourselves, to not change is to die. If that’s true, risking everything everyday for our dreams is what we need to be happy.