Category Archives: indie

Music review by Sarcastic Girl: Songs that could have been written by a chimpanzee

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I don’t like music that I could write lyrics and music for in half of the time that takes me to brush my teeth. It offends me as a writer, and it offends me as a listener.

Don’t get me wrong, I like artists that have pretty dumb lyrics, like Nicki Minaj; but they have to give me something! Give me either an amazing voice, amazing style, a rhythm that makes me want to dance all night and above all, lots of creativity. It is not only the lyrics, the music on this pop songs is interchangeable, you can use the exact same one for all the upbeat ones, and another one for the slow ones. Lately, most of the Top 40 songs make my brain cells want to commit suicide by trying to jump from my nostrils

Some examples:

–          “You are the one that I think about all day, my love is your love, your love is mine”: I hope that no one attempts to use this phrase as an attempt to be romantic with me, if they try, I don’t care if he’s the father of my children, I’ll run and I’ll never look back. Rihanna, you already had 2 songs on the radio; you didn’t need another one that will have Barney (the purple one, not the one that wears suits) filing a law suit. to Barbie soundtrack, now her lyrics are not only stupid but written by an obsessive compulsive/stalker point of view; her next hit:“I watch you while you sleep and collect dolls that look like you”

–          “Girl look at that body, I work out”: You can argue that this is a good dance song. They use that card 2 years and 10 songs ago. When you use the exact same beat and music as “Sho sho sho sho sho shots” in 2 albums and use drunken slur for songs, you have a pretty easy job. Just save your money, maybe in a year or two, people will notice that it’s the same song over and over, and over.

–          “Dirty dancing in the moonlight, take me down like I’m a domino”: You say that you don’t want to be like all the pop stars, and  that you don’t want to be like Katy Perry. Well, I consider myself a music expert and SWORE you were Katy Perry when I heard this song, not the good Katy Perry from “Ur so gay”, the one that thinks that shooting stars start in her boobs before they go to the sky. When I heard “Like a Dude” I wanted to see you live, when I heard Domino, I pictured you with a bikini made of cotton candy.

Music critique by sarcastic girl: commercialization = bad

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Being commercial is a good thing, if you’re a shampoo or a box of butter, not if you are an artist. I am all for being more commercial to sell more albums, but please don’t pull a Famous 180 on me (see post Famous 180) if I’m supporting you as a starving artists.

I have two bad examples of artists becoming more commercial than a product placement of a can of Ginger Ale in The Real World:

Pink before

Pink After

– Pink:

What did you do Pink? I loved you so much in 1999 when you had your hair Pink (duh!) and were a really fun, independent and rebel R&B artist with a great voice:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGfz0fv5wfQ

I loved your songs, I loved your beat, I loved your style. You were one of the artists that made me fall for Hip Hop and R & B.

Why did you become the poster child of a bubble gum Pop Star?, you said you wouldn’t and that ” LA told you, you’ll be a pop star, all you have to change is everything you are” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asaCQOZpqUQ

KATY PERRY:

Eventhough I hate her a little bit less now that she has a good song that didn’t seem to belong in a R rated version of  The Muppets (E.T, which I love). She really dissapointed me with songs like California Girls (I refuse to misspell that word) and Teenage Dream, which lacked good music, originality or brain cells involved in the creative process.

Why Katy? I loved you and supported you so much when you had songs as “You’re so Gay”, “I kissed a girl” and “Hot and Cold”, I even defended you from accusations that said that you used gay references to get attention (See her 2 first songs).  You were so indie, original and cool. So” American Lilly Allen” (sigh)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWbLkXhGEmo

Now I just like you because of E.T. which made the memory of you being a good artist die a little bit slower, and because I have a crush on your husband, that is all. Because you are more Barbie Malibu than the music from the cartoon I watched when I was 10: Jem & the Hollograms, it doesn’t help that you look like them. At least you still have your good voice and it doesn’t hurt to use cotton candy as an outfit.

I just hope that now that my beloved Marina and the Diamonds is opening your tour you don’t turn her into Barbie’s black hair friend (I don’t remember her name)

Katy Perry (ehem Jem)