Category Archives: happy

WORST THINGS TO SAY TO SOMEONE THAT IS SINGLE /BEST RESPONSES TO SHUT SOMEONE UP WHEN YOU’RE SINGLE

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old maidWhy are you still single?
I used to lock my boyfriends in a basement; one of them escaped and told others, no one wants to date me now.

Wow! You’re biological clock must be ticking now.
No, what is ticking is a bomb that’s on my purse, I’d run if I were you

Your great aunt Whatever is old and alone, never got married and she had the saddest life, be careful!
Good point! I’ll just go smoke and drink alone to make sure I don’t get to that age

Who keeps you company on a lonely afternoon?
My imaginary friend Mary, she comes over and we have tea, she’s sitting right next to you right now!

I don’t see why you’re single when you’re so pretty.
Maybe not shaving my armpits and not wearing deodorant has something to do with it.

When are you planning on getting married?
If you get me a husband for my birthday, I’ll get married that day. Please order with time to spare in order to plan a big wedding.

And then the last one, from Sex and the City:

Charlotte: You have to take risks so you don’t wind up an old maid.
Carrie: Oh! That’s right. Must not wind up old maid. How will l remember that? Does anybody have a pen?

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Who has it all figured out? No one

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I dated a guy last year who was 30, I always have perfect timing: I dated him when he didn’t know what he heck he wanted to do with his life. He  had broken up recently with a live in girlfriend and that was a big mess, and he was debating between alternatives such as moving to the country to open a cigar store, working Downtown at a small consultants firm or working at the most evil corporation in the world. Silly me, I thought that he would figure it all out soon and it would all be OK, the reality was, it just got worse and things ended.

The thing is, when I heard that someone was debating between working with Green Peace to save the whales or selling everything and go live under a rock in a glacier in Newfoundland Canada, I judged them, a LOT. I didn’t understand how you can be 30 and not know what you’re doing, we are adults and we should know what we want, right? WRONG

It is so easy to judge until this happens to you, it seems like when I look around everyone I know is questioning who they are, and more importantly, what they believe; or they are swimming deep in the sea of denial 😛 (I don’t know what to do with these swimmers, do we throw them a floating device? or let them swim happily?)

What happens if you change a major belief in your life? Are you suddenly a different person? A bad person? What if you start liking a different type of guy? Or the same sex? Or casual relationships? Or quit your job to open a cupcake store? What if you change your religion from Baptist to Scientology?

When you are almost 30 is the time where you wonder what the heck you’re doing with your life, in general. At least I think I got it figured out when it comes to work/occupation, so that is a little bit less stress. But currently I am questioning everything else, I am questioning beliefs and I am regretting the time I’ve wasted being strict when I should have been living.

The truth is, the karma for judging others is that you are judging yourself just as severely.

Tired of being Ted (Of How I met your mother)

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Have you ever seen I met your mother? It is a cute show that can be sometimes funny, but mostly just entertaining, I love this show and I think I know why, I AM TED.

Surrounded by super stable relationships that have lasted many years, friends who sleep around and serial daters, Ted is the guy who only dates special people, so he remains single most of the time and then has a few very meaningful relationships that end because of dramatic and profound reasons that make a good sitcom storyline, that’s me, Ted. Nice to meet you!

A#$%les don’t last long in my life (one date at most actually) and none of my exes are (a@#$@les, that is), all of them are great guys with whom I remain friends with, yes, real friends, not “I think we would be better as friends, but then I’ll never talk to you again because this is just something I say to people to make the break-up less hurtful”, I am pretty sure that I’ll be friends with this last guy too, great friends actually.

Me and my exes give each other life advice, professional advice, joke around and even give support through break ups, yes, believe it or not.

Sure, I do have great memories of exes that make me happy and sad (at the same time) during times of loneliness and I have no stories that will help me participate on “Bad Boyfriend Poker” and earn prizes on the radio (You’ll get this if you’re from Toronto and drive to work in the morning), but this is starting to feel like I’m at the Olympics, I am competing rarely and always come in second place. Come on! Everyone knows that losing is easier if you see that you didn’t have a chance,

 I am  the silver medal of “Happily ever after”.  I’m constantly “almost there”, really close to successful relationship territory, I am in “We have 90% of the things that we need to spend the rest of our life together and be super happy” territory, I am the queen of that region actually, and I’m a great ruler, come visit soon!

But if Ted and I have something in common, is that we are dreamers, this makes us always fight to make it work, but also helps us to keep the faith 🙂 there has to be someone out there who is looking for another Ted!

Adele lyrics for feminists (and women who think that they can breathe without a man)

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I think that Adele has a glorious voice, there! I said it. My problem is not with her voice, I just think that she could make a better use of that talent if she didn’t write and sing such suicidal, co-dependent and anti-feministic songs (Please see Paloma Faith, she’s Adele with a slightly better voice, more upbeat and most importantly, she has a desire to keep on living).

I read in a magazine that she is in a relationship now, I wonder how (LOL), the reason why I wonder is because men usually stay away from such bitter women, they seem to have a special talent to smell desperation and hate to all men, and run like the wind. You’d think that the way she speaks during her shows would be enough to keep her from dating for a decade or two.

I also wonder if she will sell as many copies of her next album now that she’ll have more positive songs, but then again, will she have positive songs? Maybe not, maybe she’ll date horrible men so she has song material forever. What would the fans do if instead of crying during her shows she started doing something unexpected, like smiling once or twice? Who knows!

 

For now, just for fun, I’ll give my idea of what Adele’s lyrics should say; instead of saying “I’ll die without a man” (Don’t they all say that?)

  • Never mind I’ll find someone like you: I can swing my purse and hit at least 5 men better than you
  • I wish nothing but the best to you: Honestly, what happens to you is less interesting to me than watching food cook in a microwave
  • We could’ve had it all: You know what? You have the maturity of a 5 year old, this relationship was doomed
  • Guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you: Did she give you therapy twice a week? Because that’s what you need
  • You’ve found a girl and you’re married now: You got married at 23!?!? Was she pregnant?
  • Where I felt something die because I knew it was the last time: What’s going to die it’s you’re a$$ if you call me again

 

Infallible solution to get over someone: start seeing him as a different person (if he’s a loser, it’s even easier)

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Unless your break up was a big mistake and he is the love of your life (in this case run, go get him!), I am sure that now you have at least one good reason or a list of reasons why things didn’t work and weren’t meant to be, and shouldn’t be. Everyone deserves an initial period of sadness and grief, but after that, why don’t you use all those reasons as ammunition to get over him?, I’ll explain how. When you fall for someone, you see them in an ideal way, you see all the good in them, they’re the cutest guy in the world, you love how they make you feel, every moment is magical, etc, etc. But then, at the moment when you break up, or he breaks up you see another side, it is either an evil side that you had never noticed (he has the maturity of Snooki [or her drinking habits], the ego of Kanye West, or the ability of falling in and out of love of Kim Kardashian) or something that makes you and him incompatible (you are a vegetarian, he thinks that cows live in a spa before dying [true story], or he thinks that alcohol is evil, or maybe he’s one of those homophobes that likes to occasionally slap his male friends in the butt [true story]). Now that you think about it, this new person that he is now for you, isn’t it a lot different than the guy that you fell for? Completely different person, and he’s not your burden or problem anymore. Whatever the reason why things didn’t work is, I’m pretty sure there is a reason, and in some cases, there might even be a lot of disappointment on your side, that makes your case even easier.

OK, so to get over someone you just have to “REALIZE THAT THERE IS A GOOD AND LOGICAL REASON WHY YOU’RE NOT TOGETHER, WHAT HAPPENED IS WHAT IT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED AND IT IS WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU”. Work on seeing him as a different person, a person with all these flaws that you didn’t see before, or/and a person with whom you are incompatible and you wouldn’t be happy together long term.

Follow these steps:

  1. You have grieved already, so now, without any feelings that match the ones of a character from a Greek tragedy, without sleeping in fetal position or crying in the shower, just think objectively about all of those reasons. It wasn’t meant to be and the sooner it ends the better.
  2. Reflect on the things that this relationship taught you and work on improving yourself.
  3. Reflect on the things that this guy had that you never ever want to look for again in any other guy in the future, make a quick mental note to run like the wind whenever you see this.

This method works, the key is to allow yourself to have enough grieving time before you do this and then lather, rinse and repeat… and then improve your taste in men, and work hard in not being a psycho yourself.

The Jennifer Aniston syndrome: Why do we cry for losers?

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Rejection is a hard
pill to swallow; sometimes it hurts even if your logic tells you that the
person who rejected you wasn’t good for you, or even if you didn’t want them
anyway.

This reminds me of
Jennifer Aniston, and how people felt really bad for her, and how some continue
to feel bad when Brad Pitt carried on with his life and had 15 children with a
woman that used to wear blood jewellery, kiss her brother and cut herself.

We never care to think
if Brad Pitt had a million things wrong with him or if she was unhappy when she
was obviously living a lie. She was stigmatized as a “poor rejected woman” and
apparently this will follow her for the rest of her life.

Why is “rejection” the
first thought in our heads? Why do we punish ourselves like that? The worst
thing is that apparently, in 90% of the situations, when you break up the guy
will find someone in a period of time as short as 1 month  to – 1 week (that is “negative one week” if
you know what I mean). And we always think that that unstable human being is so
happy, when they’re messed up and jumping from one girl to the other. Sometimes
they will prove how messed up they are by trying to get back to you 6 months
later, 2 years later or 2 girls later.

Isn’t it stupid to
want someone to like us, even if we don’t like them anymore? Or even when we
know that we would say “no” if they did askto have us back?

Sometimes we cry with
no logic, we cry because we lost something that was awful in our lives, that
was a burden. Until someone asks us the very logical question: Why are you
crying for exactly?

Answer that question
logically, or any of these questions: was that person good for you? Were you
happy? Did he deserve you? Search for your answer on this list:

No, he was stupid,
unstable, he lied, he cheated, he ran away from problems, he made promises that
he couldn’t keep, he didn’t have everything I needed in someone, he made me
angry, he yelled at me, he changed his mind every week, he didn’t know how to
keep my trust, he didn’t like to watch TV, he thought that he was a lot smarter
than he is, he was too negative, he complained too much, he wasn’t that cute
anyway, he was too much of a geek, he was getting fat, his breath smelled bad,
he had terrible spelling, he liked Kesha, he liked Kim Kardashian and wanted to
spell his name with a K, he liked bands with the word “devil” on them, he
Tweeted too much, he was obsessed with money, he played videogames online, he
wore black shoes and a brown belt.

If you have
experienced rejection or broken up recently, I’m sure my list above offers you
plenty of options that can offer you clarity about being much better off
without him. And you’re always better off without someone who doesn’t think you’re
the best thing in the world.

Do you feel stupid for
wasting your time and your feelings with him? As my clever friends told
me,  “you’re losing even more time right
now thinking about him” and “you’d feel more stupid if you had continued the
relationship, mothered 3 of his children and THEN realized that he was an
a*hole”

Things I’ve learned from dumb men, bad dates and crying friends

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“Tripping over the
same rock twice” is a Spanish saying that means making the same stupid mistake
twice, knowing that all the signs were there. Well, let’s just hope for the
best and expect that we don’t make the mistake a third time.

These “rules” that I
have learned apply to friendships, but mostly relationships:

  •  If you think that someone is dumb, immature, lacks morals, but you want to keep on
    dating them because they’re nice or good looking. Well, in the future they’ll
    be all those things but old and wrinkly.
  • If a person has a lot of “life problems”, you can only cut them some slack for a
    limited amount of time. It’s an adult’s responsibility to solve their problems
    and figure out their life, and if possible, not take forever in doing so.
  •  If someone has done something wrong to at
    least two people, they can do the same to you, and they will most probably
    will.
  • If someone
    doesn’t fight for you at the beginning, when it’s all easy and uncomplicated,
    they will for sure not fight for you years later when things are hard and
    you’re fighting to keep the spark alive.
  • If someone
    can’t tell you clearly what their intentions are with you, it’s either because
    their intentions are not good at all and they won’t tell you, or they don’t
    have any idea of what they want. Neither of those is good. “I want to be your
    friend”, “I want to get to know you first and see what happens”, “I don’t like
    you that way”, all of these area valid answers, they should be able to use
    them.
  • Sex and the City Samantha’s golden rule for relationships is very simple, but very
    useful: Are you like this J or like this L? If you are sad, depressed, anxious and lose
    sleep, is not a good relationship. You can try and work on these things if both
    of you are willing to put on an effort towards improving things, and for a
    limited amount of time.

  • “For a limited amount of time” that’s how much
    a problem should last. After this time you should either accept the problem and
    get over it, or solve it.

  • Never stay
    in a relationship for the memory of how amazing things were, or for the hope of
    how things will improve. You need to enjoy the present, that’s what you’re
    living, after all.
  • You’re no
    one’s babysitter. You can help someone figure out what they want to an extent,
    but if you feel like you’re raising someone, or giving therapy for
    psychological issues, get out!
  • The most important rule “DO NOT SETTLE”. Have fun, Maybe I shouldn’t be
    talking about this, since right now I’m lacking faith in love and I’m wondering
    how is it that I’ve worked on myself and how much I’ve worked on getting to
    know what I want and what I want to be and I’m still alone. But I still know that
    there’s someone amazing for me out there, an improved version of all my
    temporary soul mates, and I just hope I find him before 2030.

The substitution syndrome- powered by testosterone and the “all men are evil” epidemic

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I have noticed a certain action made by men, I’ve seen it in my relationships, other girls’ relationships and it seems like the most basic example of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”.
Common knowledge tells us that women are the ones who seek relationships and can’t be alone, there is nothing more fake than this. Well, this syndrome may be experienced by both men are women but there is no doubt that it’s more common in men, I’m referring to:
THE SUBSTITUTION SYNDROME: When you break up with a guy and he has another girl at the time of breakup, mere hours later or if they’re patient a few weeks. Even though some girls do it, I’m inclined to think that it has something to do with testosterone or male brain cells, maybe it started in pre-historic times (when the Flinstones were around) and it’s based in the thought: “I need reproduce, I need woman. Any woman?” . There is three types of substitution syndrome.
1. The guy who really cared about you and it’s so affected by losing you or not being able to maintain you in his life that he has to get someone to get his mind of you. This is known as “the rebound”, usually, the rebound girl is trashy and your polar opposite, she makes things really easy for the guy (until she gets pshycho-controlling because she notices that he doesn’t give half of a rats butt about her). Rebounds can last weeks, but sometimes years. I’ve witnessed a rebound that lasted 2 years and after that the guy still had feelings for the “original” girl
2. The guy who’s really looking to settle down, he wants a house with a white fence, dogs and (maybe) children, he’s a hopeless romantic. He’s only missed one thing: you won’t find those things if you don’t grow up and fight for them. These men are so romantic and idealistic that don’t know what to do with everyday problems. So they tend to jump from “love of his life” to “love of his life” at the first sign of trouble. We will refer to them as the “Insert wife here” guys (I credit my friend B. for the term)
3. The guys that actually don’t care and just want to have fun, they’re immature, they’re liars, they don’t care about people’s feelings. The thing is, if you’re dating this guy YOU KNOW THIS THINGS. No one can pretend to have a whole different personality, people have warned you that he cheats on every girl, he made comments about how it’s cool that his sister has two boyfriends, all his friends are cheaters, every ex hates him. You know this things, you are either in denial and ignore the red flags (or red billboards). Maybe you were just lonely, maybe you thought that you had the right “skills” to change him. We’ll call these guys “careless bastards”
Well, the problem is that now there is an epidemic, many, many girls now thing that all guys are careless bastards. They get bitter after the break-up and don’t realize that apparently, after all these years of evolution, most guys don’t know how to deal with this thing called “feelings” and vent in different ways, they can vent by not being alone. They may honestly think that they are causing you no harm because they’re no longer with you, and that you may be much better without them. Sometimes just asking helps you so much.
One time I had to ask: Why did you say that you cared but had someone else after just a week? And the honest answer I received is: I didn’t think that you cared that much about me, and after all, we were no longer together.
Another important fact to remember: There will always be a low self esteem woman that is waiting aroubd, waiting until the guy breaks up to attack, and his defences are not exactly high at the moment….

Being full of yourself is the new black

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It seems like really high self esteem, being full of yourself, having a big head, etc. is very popular right now. Yesterday I was reading “Summer and the City”, the 2nd Sex and the City prequel, when Carrie asks Miranda: “Do you think I have a big head? If I do, I don’t care, I’ve accomplished more than most people will on their lifetime” (…it was something like that, maybe I shouldn’t quote).

and this is how conversations end...

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about thinking that other people are less than yourself, and treating them as less (I honestly think that the ones with low self esteem are the ones that do this, and not the other way around), I am talking about being honestly comfortable in your own skin and happy with who you are and who you’ll become. I’m not talking about behaving like the Queen Bee from Mean Girls (hello! low self esteem alert!)

That makes me think  that the world is divided in two types of people, the 1st one that love themselves in a healthy way, is happy when their friends are doing good and surrounds him/herself with people who are the same; and the second one, that feels threatened by confident people and needs friends that are doing “worse” because that makes them feel less worse, if that makes sense.

I am a member of the 1st group, and feel attracted to socialize and have relationships with the 2nd type, my relationship with someone that was errmm… less smart than me, did not go well, I thought that he was so stupid, I loved him anyway, but I think that I treated him according to my subconscious opinion of him. After a number of months, every time I had to explain something to him for the 100th time, I had a flash forward of me married with him and me solving all of our problems, and maybe even supporting our house with my 2 jobs while he stays home scrubbing the floors, because that’s the best he could do for himself *sigh*

If you are a girl who considers herself pretty, smart and interesting, a lot of things will go on your favor, and there is only one disadvantage, that makes a lot of b#@$es hate you. On the contrary, if you believe that you are the worst, you may suck in your life, but you’ll have a lot of friends…your choice.

You can love yourself enough to be happy for your friends’ happiness or have such low self esteem that you have to make others feel bad. And that my friends, is the difference between a healthy person that loves who he/she is and The Situation from Jersey Shore, who will beg everyone to kiss his abs, please stay away from that behavior.

Are people together because of love or because they shouldn’t be alone?

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One of this days, I heard the strangest answer to this question: why are you getting married?

The answer was a mumbled list of qualities, none of them sound like a description of the love of your life to me: she takes care of me, she’s a good girl, my mom liked her…

Liking someone is like being in permanent confusion and indecisiveness, do I act like I really want to?, should I ask what am I to him or do I wait? is it psycho to wait outside of his place until he comes out? (yes it is). After listening to a girl call a radio show to make sure that his one night stand that turned into 5 dates isn’t “cheating on her”, I think, how long can two people be together without realizing that while one is using internet programs to combine their faces into a baby, the other one is googling restaurants to plan a date… with another girl(s), who knows.

It seems like the closer you are to the latin american way of dating (you’re either friends, boy/girlfriend or fiancee) the furthest you get to actual honesty in a relationship, honesty with yourself and with your partner; I think that when you don’t have a word to define what you have, you leave things open for constant negociation of terms and true commitment. OK, the serious part of this blog is over…

What am I supposed to do when a drunk man accepts that he is getting married because he has to, and that sometimes “she is crazy”, when they are disagreeing in front of me, when I’ve seen them fight in clubs, bars and people’s houses; when the girl hates me and my friend because we were close to him before (not now, because he needs to ask permission to go out. Well, I’ll guess I’ll laugh… but I’ll be nice enough to hold my laughter for a couple minutes so I can pretend  that I was laughing about something else.

And if someone can please explain how these crazy women who control everything from the guys shirt color, food, drinks and evening plans, get men. Contrary to popular belief, psycho women will find their match…the guy without self esteem and goals who will say “yes dear” to everything.

Well, if you are really bored and you are in the presence of one of these couples, and the girl has been a bitch to you, it’s fun to see how bad she reacts when you laugh at his jokes, touch his arm, or accidentally mention one of his one night stands (not that I did the last one, but I thought about it)