Category Archives: friends

People that are stupid and proud and cognitive dissonance

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This morning, while driving in a very bright morning, I started thinking of very productive things such as the people that have pissed me off lately, more specifically, I was wondering why some people say stupid things and I’m all “whatever, continue your stupid existence” about it, while some people really piss me off with their crap. I had an epiphany that connected a very complex psychology concept with the fact that sometimes I just get angry easily.

Cognitive dissonant people: People that make no sense and are all “in your face” about it.

 

[Cultural break]

“The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the feeling of discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs. When there is a discrepancy between beliefs and behaviors, something must change in order to eliminate or reduce the dissonance.” – About.com

[Break is over]

 

They’re stupid and proud about it, or say things that are completely illogical and flaunt it, or are in the wrong and they yell at you! They could just walk around, making use of their lonely two brain cells and live a happy life, and let me live it, but no! They decided to be all up in my face with their amazingly dumb points of view; they are living and walking cognitive dissonance. If there is an echo in your brain from lack of use, why should it affect my life too?

I’m moving to present Exhibit A and B:

 

A: The subject is an Asian male who was driving in front of me yesterday; we had stopped on the lane to turn left on a light. Without making an effort to announce his plans in any way, he proceeded to back his car onto mine for a good 10 seconds, because after being in that lane Mr. I’m the center of the Universe decided that he didn’t want to turn anymore, so he was changing lanes in a very easy breezy way.

Because he is the Center of the Universe, he didn’t care if he ended up with each half of his car on a different lane, therefore blocking my way when the light changed and I was ready to turn. When I honked the horn for him to move, what Mr. Lovely decided to do was to insult me and show me the finger. Really???!!??, so you back your car to change lanes in the middle of traffic, block me so I can’t turn around and YOU’RE angry? Maybe you should call the provincial government so they make sure that when you want to go out and drive; they make it a rule that no one else drives so you can use the streets as your personal race track in reverse.

B: The subject is a female woman from Latin America, from a very small town and a very small brain, who uses Facebook to troll, but unlike most trolls that work undercover on Reddit, she likes to show her face and troll on people’s walls.

My friend and I were commenting on a status about our national football team, when she started trolling like a troll and defending the opposite team, like getting really flustered and rude. Lady, you are supporting a foreign team instead of yours, and instead of doing it quietly you decide to flaunt it, on Facebook, on someone else’s wall, when this person is saying the opposite thing, and you insult their friends.

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Tired of being Ted (Of How I met your mother)

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Have you ever seen I met your mother? It is a cute show that can be sometimes funny, but mostly just entertaining, I love this show and I think I know why, I AM TED.

Surrounded by super stable relationships that have lasted many years, friends who sleep around and serial daters, Ted is the guy who only dates special people, so he remains single most of the time and then has a few very meaningful relationships that end because of dramatic and profound reasons that make a good sitcom storyline, that’s me, Ted. Nice to meet you!

A#$%les don’t last long in my life (one date at most actually) and none of my exes are (a@#$@les, that is), all of them are great guys with whom I remain friends with, yes, real friends, not “I think we would be better as friends, but then I’ll never talk to you again because this is just something I say to people to make the break-up less hurtful”, I am pretty sure that I’ll be friends with this last guy too, great friends actually.

Me and my exes give each other life advice, professional advice, joke around and even give support through break ups, yes, believe it or not.

Sure, I do have great memories of exes that make me happy and sad (at the same time) during times of loneliness and I have no stories that will help me participate on “Bad Boyfriend Poker” and earn prizes on the radio (You’ll get this if you’re from Toronto and drive to work in the morning), but this is starting to feel like I’m at the Olympics, I am competing rarely and always come in second place. Come on! Everyone knows that losing is easier if you see that you didn’t have a chance,

 I am  the silver medal of “Happily ever after”.  I’m constantly “almost there”, really close to successful relationship territory, I am in “We have 90% of the things that we need to spend the rest of our life together and be super happy” territory, I am the queen of that region actually, and I’m a great ruler, come visit soon!

But if Ted and I have something in common, is that we are dreamers, this makes us always fight to make it work, but also helps us to keep the faith 🙂 there has to be someone out there who is looking for another Ted!

The naked man from How I met your mother, happened in real life

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If you have now idea what this is, on an episode of How I met your mother, a guy talks about this move, “the naked man” that consists of just waiting for a girl, naked, 2 out of 3 times she’ll sleep with you (source: HIMY trusted statistics). This is Barney commenting about THE move: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IB_6tVjvJw8. Well, the guys try this move on that episode.

I know that some guys want to feel like they live in a movie or a TV show, maybe you can get some ideas that you can apply on real life, well, one guy thought that it was a good idea to prove the vailidity of “The Naked Man”.

This happened to a friend, a very nice and innocent friend who trusts everyone. A friend of her friend, a guy that she has many years of knowing, but never was close friends with, lets call him Dummy, said that he was too far from home, and needed a place to stay. Her, as then nice innocent person she is(and since she introduced him to his current girlfriend), offered him a place to stay; he proceded to pull the “naked man” move and tell her to “come here”. I believe that the events that followed were interpreted in radically different ways by both of them, it went something like this:

EVENT: She offered him a place to stay

HE THOUGHT: Finally! I’m sleeping with her, I knew that she wanted me

SHE THOUGHT: I’ll just offer him a place to stay, does my hair look frizzy todat? hmmm

EVENT: She went to the bathroom

HE THOUGHT: This is the moment I was waiting for! I’ll take my clothes off and I’ll wait for her on a very sexy pose that shows my abs, I am the greatest when it comes to seduction tecniques!

SHE THOUGHT: I’ll put on my granny pj’s, the ones with the dinosaours, oh! I’ll brush my teeth and put on the face mask that I bought and I haven’t tried yet

EVENT: She comes out of the bathroom in granny pj’s

HE THOUGHT: She’s just playing hard to get! I’ll have to say something clever (and he said: “come here baby”), cleverest phrase ever!

SHE THOUGHT:WTF, I want to puke. I want to kill him, and puke, what do I do first?

After all these events, after she convinced him to put his clothes back on, he proceded to ask is she was angry, when she said “no”, he thought it was a good idea to ask her again if she would sleep with him. This guy has game!

The naked man didn’t work this time, I guess this is 1 out of 3 times…

I wonder where this guy gets other ideas to apply to his life, maybe he takes grooming and fashion advice from Jersey Shore, and in the future, marriage tips from the Kardashians and parenting advice from Toddlers and Tiaras…

Ross and Rachel from Friends are the worst relationship role model ever

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Recently, I am watching Friends (thanks to my friend who lent me the DVD’s). I like to watch a little bit of TV before bed and since now I live alone and I can’t afford (and it would be stupid considering the size of my place) to get another TV for my room, I am watching Friends in my tiny DVD player.

This show, that I like to call “the most overrated show on TV”, is somehow entertaining. I had missed many episodes when it first aired and now things make even less sense, specially relationships. And after reading Jennifer Aniston’s interview in some magazine that said: “I am sure that Ross and Rachel are together now and have more kids”, this made me want to tell her: “no, such immature people cannot hold a mature relationship”.

This couple was 30 and they acted like 15 year olds, I can’t picture a couple that invented hand signals to curse at each other after being in bed together 15 minutes before, raising their 2 sons and their daughter in a house in the suburbs. I am sure that Rachel list of last names would make Liz Taylor feel envious and that she’d share divorce lawyers with Madonna and one of the ladies from Real Housewives of Atlanta.

The saddest thing about this is how I’ve watched couples fighting like this, and now I just wonder: have some people suffered permanent mental damage from watching too many sitcoms? When you refer to  your boyfriend as pig, dog, or any kind of animal and then you’re still with him; or when you have screaming fights in the line to get into a club; or when you pour too much salt on their meal; or jump in bed and unmake the bed that they just spend a couple minutes obsessive-compulsively making (true story); say this to yourself I AM NOT IN A SITCOM. If you have fights that other people would find funny, you’re just a loser, you’re not a Kardashian, you won’t get a reality show. If you broke up because you wrote a 15 pages letter that your boyfriend didn’t read, and if you only wanted him back when he was with someone else (even after he said your name in his wedding!), please realize that just because Snooki is pregnant and getting married, that doesn’t mean that you can jump from total immaturity to raising a family.

Like my dad used to say “You can choose between being Paris Hilton or Ivanka Trump”, I get the point now dad, Thanks!

Things that you please shouldn’t do on Facebook

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It seems like Facebook rules our lives these days, and that people forgot their morals and basic social rules to give in to Facebook rules; some real, some imaginary.

It is evident that Facebook brings the exhibitionist side in some people, while others just ask themselves: “why does everyone have to know my business? I am annoyed that Facebook is more important than real life now”.

  • Tell us where you are all day long: Our life goes on no matter if you are @the movies, @Starbucks, @living room or @McDonalds. Ask yourself: “why is this relevant to others?” If the answer is: “it is not”, please don’t post (Unless you are at a super cool place, like a concert, the zoo or the moon).
  • Say that you are hungry, thirsty or tired: I read this and I just think that you must have an uninteresting life if the relevant thing that happened to you today is that you’re hungry; at least if you’re tired I know that you did something. Live a little! Make some plans so you can post them on your status and stop boring people.
  • Have 400 friends: 300 of them are people that you don’t talk to, 50 that you don’t know and might be fake profiles that send viruses to everyone you know. No one knows 400 people, period. Also, when people visit your profile they can see the picture of some of your friends, if one of the pictures that you have is of Katrina, a 16 year old girl from Russia in her underwear (true story) now we know that you not only add people that you don’t know, but you may have an addiction to porn.
  • Post 1000 uninteresting pictures taken with your phone: Pictures of your feet, your food (when this is oatmeal, fried eggs or toast), pictures of your car, etc. Again, this ranks 10000 on the list of things that matter to me. You get double the douchebag points if you have your new car as your profile picture. Disclaimer: pictures of cute babies and pets are allowed.
  • Write love letters: We know that you have a boyfriend, congrats! You managed to find someone that can spend more than 3 hours a week with you! We don’t need (or want) to know that your Baby or Honey (or if you’re just a little bit more original Poochie, Coochie, Teddy Bear, Bunny, etc.) is the greatest person ever and you can’t wait to kiss him because he completes you and is the love of your life. Nor we want to know that this vacation is all you needed to reconnect, and you’re not fighting anymore (true story, this was my ex’s gf). If this is something that you wouldn’t even share on a phone call with your best friend, it is something that the rest of us most likely don’t want to see.

NEWSFLASH: Deleting someone from Facebook is not the worse offense in the world. You should know that if I have never seen you, you won’t be on my list; if I haven’t had contact with you in real life for 6 months, you won’t be on my list; if you have offended me or talked behind my back and I am not interested in talking to you in real life anymore, guess what???

 

“I’ll never forget you” and other pshycho-obsessive-compulsive phrases and actions

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A couple of years ago, I’d thought that the concept of someone stuck with a feeling for many years after a relationship ended (or even when it never happened at all) was only true in romantic comedies, latin American soap operas and the occasional obsessive compulsive individual. Lately, I’ve heard (and lived) cases starring those obsessive individuals and some apparently normal individuals.

First, there is the strange case of my gay family member who has always been attracted to lost causes, one of them a girl in high school with severe self esteem issues, and an unreal and unhealthy concept of true love. Little did my family member know that a couple of years later she would be obsessed with him, sending him e-mails declaring her love and her devotion, big enough to follow him to another country, and lists of all the reasons why she was sure that he liked him too. Last week, she was at his house inquiring about his whereabouts and “why hasn’t she heard from him” and “how the cleaning lady didn’t know where he was. Now the whole family is scared of her.

Then there are cases of ex-boyfriends from years ago, who all of a sudden, a couple of years later seem to think that you are either their best friend that will listen to all their problems, sorrows, hopes, dreams and defeats in life, when you’d prefer eating out of the recycle bin than listen to their s#@$t (I didn’t break up with you to be your psychologist 5 years later). An finally, there is the friend who always loved you, without you knowing (or you knew and liked the attention, you know who you are!), as women, you could assume that a guy is fine with the occasional kiss or make out session here and there PLUS a friendship, sometimes there aren’t, sometimes they think that because you kissed them you’re their soul mate, that if they stick to your side for another 5 years you’ll know that he’s everything you wanted in a person and more.

The third kind is the most awkward of all, really awkward. When the guy is not important to you, you are thinking about ways to get out of there (the place and the situation) fast and without any harm to your pride, integrity and mood (aren’t you ambitious?) . And when you care, you just want to rewind to a moment without awkwardness, a moment when you didn’t know that he pictured you and him in 30 years and together, when you didn’t know that he may have used one of those programs to put both of your pictures together and see how your babies would look like. Sadly, you can’t turn back, and the next time you meet is even more awkward, and then you decide that talking less and less is the way to go. Other times the make it easier for you, because instead of declaring their love, they decide to pick a fight and stop talking, and say that they don’t want a talk to you because of the fight, like you’ll forget all the drunk texts and calls, the weird flirty comments, and the looks at your boobs.

So you’re not gay but still want my number? Adventures at a gay bar

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There is a number of things that straight women allow a gay men to do, that they would never ever in their life allow a random straight man to even think about doing, including: talking freely about our boobs or butt, or maybe even grabbing, dirty dancing, sleeping on the same bed, etc, etc.

Also, when we meet a gay guy we are always friendly, our walls are down and we can be ourselves, without being afraid of the phenomenon known as “is he that desperate that he would take anything I do as a signal that I’m interested too”, this is when you say hello back to someone and they think that then you’d be fine with them rubbing your shoulders, errrmmmm… nope; or when you share a few jokes with a co-worker and then he asks you out for drinks and gets upset when you tell him that you want to invite another person too (yes, both things have happened to me, see previous blogs)

So we met several gay men last weekend, most of them because of our friend who was a super nice, sociable and friendly drunk, she opened the doors for an extension on our gay men collection of friends. One of those guys owns a vintage clothing store, win!

Sometimes, when you’re that sociable, you can attract undesirables, one of them being “the man with flip flops and earphones, who evolved into the man without shoes and earphones” I commented on how weird he was and my friend (we’ll call him a super nice gay Asian man)  said that he knew him, I thought “how weird that he’s friends with him, but OK”, half an hour later we see this guy talking to another group of people and super nice gay Asian man commented on the level of weirdness of the guy, so I asked him: “wasn’t he your friend”, to which he replied the phrase that made me laugh out loud: “he has no shoes, you can’t be my friend without shoes, you have no shoes, you’re not a friend”

In the middle of all that, a guy approached our lesbian friend to compliment her hair cut (we’ll call her pretty athletic
Asian girl), and he started talking to us. We assumed that he was gay so we were very friendly, he asked for our contact info, and my friend (who we’ll call multicultural mix girl) told him that we were going but he could go back in and dance with the rest of our crowd if he liked, he looked disappointed, but we didn’t make much for it. Then we left.

Apparently the story didn’t end there, he went inside the club (even though his friends were somewhere else and apparently he had to pay to go in…at 2 am) and he proceeded to dance with pretty athletic Asian girl while trying to convince her that she should give him a chance…he wasn’t a woman, he was an ugly man, when she made it clear that for specific reasons she wasn’t interested, he gave him his contact info to give to multicultural mix girl, and “make sure that she called him”, what was she supposed to do, tie the girl up, dial the number and make her talk???

Of course she didn’t call, and she won’t call. And for future occasions, Is it inappropriate to ask about sexual preferences before you’re nice to someone? Just to make sure straight men (ugly straight men) don’t pose as gay and take advantage of girls.

Being full of yourself is the new black

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It seems like really high self esteem, being full of yourself, having a big head, etc. is very popular right now. Yesterday I was reading “Summer and the City”, the 2nd Sex and the City prequel, when Carrie asks Miranda: “Do you think I have a big head? If I do, I don’t care, I’ve accomplished more than most people will on their lifetime” (…it was something like that, maybe I shouldn’t quote).

and this is how conversations end...

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about thinking that other people are less than yourself, and treating them as less (I honestly think that the ones with low self esteem are the ones that do this, and not the other way around), I am talking about being honestly comfortable in your own skin and happy with who you are and who you’ll become. I’m not talking about behaving like the Queen Bee from Mean Girls (hello! low self esteem alert!)

That makes me think  that the world is divided in two types of people, the 1st one that love themselves in a healthy way, is happy when their friends are doing good and surrounds him/herself with people who are the same; and the second one, that feels threatened by confident people and needs friends that are doing “worse” because that makes them feel less worse, if that makes sense.

I am a member of the 1st group, and feel attracted to socialize and have relationships with the 2nd type, my relationship with someone that was errmm… less smart than me, did not go well, I thought that he was so stupid, I loved him anyway, but I think that I treated him according to my subconscious opinion of him. After a number of months, every time I had to explain something to him for the 100th time, I had a flash forward of me married with him and me solving all of our problems, and maybe even supporting our house with my 2 jobs while he stays home scrubbing the floors, because that’s the best he could do for himself *sigh*

If you are a girl who considers herself pretty, smart and interesting, a lot of things will go on your favor, and there is only one disadvantage, that makes a lot of b#@$es hate you. On the contrary, if you believe that you are the worst, you may suck in your life, but you’ll have a lot of friends…your choice.

You can love yourself enough to be happy for your friends’ happiness or have such low self esteem that you have to make others feel bad. And that my friends, is the difference between a healthy person that loves who he/she is and The Situation from Jersey Shore, who will beg everyone to kiss his abs, please stay away from that behavior.

>If you’re not interested, don’t call me gorgeous

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>Why is dating so difficult??? I wanna know. And all the people with success stories tell you that you just have to stop thinking about it and love magically happens.
Guess what? I’ve had love, correction, loves. And my loves have a great opinion of me still, still care about me greatly, and I’ve even heard the phrase “the one who got away” in reference to me, and also the phrase “I’ll always regret losing you”.
OK, says “the great one who got away”, where is my love that lasts a reasonable time?
And why do I seem to be meeting psycho after psycho?
The two latest guys have been crazy polar opposites, the first one was making plans a month in advance after the 1st date, saying that our date was super special, mentioning “love”, and getting angry if I didn’t answer this text messages. OK, that was sweet but psycho, and flattering but made me want to get a restraining order before I had him knocking ad my door at 2 a.m. being wet after walking in the rain (I live in an apartment building, he can’t come knock on the door, phew!).
This other guy was incredible cute, sounded really interesting and when we talked he was smart and funny, too good to be true right? YES. After calling me gorgeous and a couple of adjectives more and begging me to add him to Facebook, he just dissapeared. Currently, I don’t know where he is, he may be in the land of bipolar men where he has been made king, good for him.
I understand that only gold coins, and not people are liked by everyone (OK, spanish saying that might or might not translate right), but if you’re not interested, it’s easy $#%$#%^ stay away! Most of us girls are not stalkers and WILL NOT FOLLOW YOU (and I don’t responsabilize myself for the ones that are) and we’ll not cry after you if we met you yesterday and you don’t call us anymore, you don’t have to pretend to like us and propose one day to stop calling the other, we know you didn’t die and that the truth is that you’re crazy.
This is me, venting.

>If you don’t know me why do you want to add me? and other Facebook conflicts

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>Facebook is really big right now, amazingly big, can’t live without big. My mom has Facebook even tough she thought that only the owner could see their own wall and the comments on pictures, she couldn’t upload pictures or do pretty much, anything there.
I always thought it was uncomfortable when some that you don’t know so much, or someone that you don’t want to give access too (a boss for example) tried to add you and you couldn’t ignore them. I didn’t want the guy that I met just once to look at all my pictures and see my posts! But you had to add them right? Just in case you ran into them again. Well yes, but now Facebook new privacy settings allow you to choose how much you’re sharing with people, this has caused a lot of conflicts in addition to the ones that were there from the beginning:
– You don’t know me, I’ve never seen you and you look creepy in your profile picture, why do you want to add me?: There is actually guys that “collect” girls in facebook that they think are pretty, if a girl falls for that she’s definitely far from being classy; there is also the person that assumes he knows everyone but maybe doesn’t remember; and there is the person that wants to feel important and have a profile saying XXXXX has 1000 friends. Good for you! everyone on the planet knows about your life and sees your pictures, kidnappers won’t have it hard finding you.
Don’t get me wrong, I know of people that have met friends or boyfriends on FB but in that case, please people send a private message aknowledging the fact that you don’t know them but want to meet them. A week ago a guy that I’m sure I don’t know, and looked really weird on his picture wanted to add me, why would I?. I don’t want to see posts about what’s his face and his plans for saturday night, or even worse, him having my pictures as a wallpaper (photoshoped with his face in it.) If you try to add me like that, you’re not making your self look better (eheem stalker ehemmm)
– How much privacy is too much: I was a victim of privacy settings, I didn’t realize that if a person couldn’t see a wall or pictures, they were seeing pretty much, well, nothing! a couple of them deleted me and other ones send me private messages asking why or knew that it was a mistake and letting me know. I have a friend that was sick of Facebook and decided to set everything as private, a lot of people will delete her for sure thinking that she blocked them.
– There is also the overly friendly person, that you don’t know much, but may or may not have one friend in addition to you, that loves to creep and comment on everything you do. do you delete that person, or just block them from writing or seeing your things?
– Parents on Facebook: So many parents are on Facebook, that their friends ask them to open an account “to share with them”, thanks people! I didn’t want to share some pictures (nothing illegal!) with my mom. Before this privacy settings, I just ignored requests from anyone older than 40, now I can just set everything on private and hope for the best.
– TMI: The best type of TMI is relationship TMI. Believe me if I don’t like drama in my own life, I don’t want to relive every moment of your tormentous, latin soap-opera like relationship with your on-and-off boyfriend. What are relationship status for on Facebook? Don’t your closest friends know if you have a boyfriend or not? And even worse I don’t want to know that you had a fight, he cheated on you, that you think all men suck and should die because someone has made you suffer again.
And there is the emo people too, come on! if you have depression, life doesn’t make sense and want to die, I don’t think Facebook is the right answer, therapy might be right for you. People won’t believe that you’re really depressed (just really desperate for attention), there was one guy who even wrote: I’m depressed, please call me. I think that instead of calls, people deleted his number from their phones- a lot of them.
Well, the privacy issue is complicated, I have a rule, I ask myself if I would say that comment in a conversation with anyone on my list, if the answer is “no”, I’d keep it to myself. It is better to be safe, maybe I did add a creepy unknown guy without noticing him, and I’ll never talk to him when I see him but he’ll know by heart all the colors I own bikinis in.