Category Archives: feminism

Romantic or Psycho: a tutorial for dummies

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stalker

You’d think that this is common sense, but apparently for some men, it is hard to figure out: When do you stop being cute and romantic and start being a stalker?
Once I heard that if a guy that you like acts insistent, it’s romantic; but when you don’t like the guy it’s stalkerish, and I agree to an extent. But what happens when a guy you like makes you fly away faster than an angry bird?

Here is a tutorial that will show guys the difference, the line is not so thin guys!:

– Begging to get someone back after screwing up: romantic
– Begging to get someone back 3 times a day, while using different “ routines” and one day acting all sad and the next one putting yourself down to reverse psychology the crap out of the poor lady: psycho

– Texting someone you’re dating “good night ”: romantic
– Texting someone you’re dating “good night ” after she broke up with you a month ago and you haven’t talked, and she has an App on her phone to block you: psycho

– Adding your girlfriend to Linked In and following her on Twitter: romantic
– Stalking your ex on Linked In after she has blocked your from any other social media tool, trying to conclude if she is dating someone from her posts and texting her to say that you’re glad she didn’t delete you: Psycho

– Showing up at your girlfriend’s place with flowers: romantic
– Showing up at your ex-girlfriend’s place with flowers after she has a restraining order against you and takes the back stairs after her classes in order to avoid you: psycho

These are only a few examples, but the general rule is that if someone is yelling at you or running the other direction when they see you, it may be safe to conclude that you are not, I repeat, you are not in a happy relationship with them anymore. Please don’t make us yell “stranger danger” or call the police when we see you.
It might be hard to figure out for some people but changing your attitude three times a day is a “no no”, so if you’re yelling at noon and crying at night, you should start seeing someone often, and that someone is a therapist.

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WORST THINGS TO SAY TO SOMEONE THAT IS SINGLE /BEST RESPONSES TO SHUT SOMEONE UP WHEN YOU’RE SINGLE

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old maidWhy are you still single?
I used to lock my boyfriends in a basement; one of them escaped and told others, no one wants to date me now.

Wow! You’re biological clock must be ticking now.
No, what is ticking is a bomb that’s on my purse, I’d run if I were you

Your great aunt Whatever is old and alone, never got married and she had the saddest life, be careful!
Good point! I’ll just go smoke and drink alone to make sure I don’t get to that age

Who keeps you company on a lonely afternoon?
My imaginary friend Mary, she comes over and we have tea, she’s sitting right next to you right now!

I don’t see why you’re single when you’re so pretty.
Maybe not shaving my armpits and not wearing deodorant has something to do with it.

When are you planning on getting married?
If you get me a husband for my birthday, I’ll get married that day. Please order with time to spare in order to plan a big wedding.

And then the last one, from Sex and the City:

Charlotte: You have to take risks so you don’t wind up an old maid.
Carrie: Oh! That’s right. Must not wind up old maid. How will l remember that? Does anybody have a pen?

Adele lyrics for feminists (and women who think that they can breathe without a man)

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I think that Adele has a glorious voice, there! I said it. My problem is not with her voice, I just think that she could make a better use of that talent if she didn’t write and sing such suicidal, co-dependent and anti-feministic songs (Please see Paloma Faith, she’s Adele with a slightly better voice, more upbeat and most importantly, she has a desire to keep on living).

I read in a magazine that she is in a relationship now, I wonder how (LOL), the reason why I wonder is because men usually stay away from such bitter women, they seem to have a special talent to smell desperation and hate to all men, and run like the wind. You’d think that the way she speaks during her shows would be enough to keep her from dating for a decade or two.

I also wonder if she will sell as many copies of her next album now that she’ll have more positive songs, but then again, will she have positive songs? Maybe not, maybe she’ll date horrible men so she has song material forever. What would the fans do if instead of crying during her shows she started doing something unexpected, like smiling once or twice? Who knows!

 

For now, just for fun, I’ll give my idea of what Adele’s lyrics should say; instead of saying “I’ll die without a man” (Don’t they all say that?)

  • Never mind I’ll find someone like you: I can swing my purse and hit at least 5 men better than you
  • I wish nothing but the best to you: Honestly, what happens to you is less interesting to me than watching food cook in a microwave
  • We could’ve had it all: You know what? You have the maturity of a 5 year old, this relationship was doomed
  • Guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you: Did she give you therapy twice a week? Because that’s what you need
  • You’ve found a girl and you’re married now: You got married at 23!?!? Was she pregnant?
  • Where I felt something die because I knew it was the last time: What’s going to die it’s you’re a$$ if you call me again

 

A man that can make scrambled eggs is admirable; say the conservative-weird-feminists

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This morning I was appalled at the use of frozen scrambled eggs in Canada, they taste like plastic that stinks and I thought: “how hard is it to crack an egg, scramble it and add salt and pepper”, apparently for some cultures, the answer to this question depends on your sex.

I almost puked my plastic scrambled eggs when I heard an older lady at work congratulating a 30ish married man because he could cook eggs, they both seem really happy discussing how his wife did “everything” in the house and he could not complain, of course you can’t complain if you’re the one who’s useless; the question is, why doesn’t she complain?

Coming from a home in which my parents always divided tasks fairly between them when needed, and thaught my brother how to survive (he cooks scrambled eggs and sometimes complicated things like omelette, just kidding! He’s an amazing cook), it’s hard not to be offended by this point of view.

I understand that women cooked, cleaned and raised the children WHEN THEY DIDN’T WORK, if a woman doesn’t work or does anything with her life, it is perfectly normal (and expected I’d say) that she takes care of the house, you’ve got to do something, right? I don’t agree with women who fill their days with pottery classes, fake nails and hair appointments either.

But if you are holding a full time job, even a position of power, are you expected to go home to cook, clean and serve dinner? Well, in my case, if you are a guy that likes me, you can start running if you expect that, because when you at least hint that, I’ll run, fast, and I’ll laugh, hard.

At least many years ago we had one role to fill, now we have two??? Smart thing, this feminism that sent some women to the office and then to do all the work that our predecessors did in 8 hours, in 3 hours!

I’m sorry, I’ll cook and clean for one because there’s no one else that’ll do it for me (in Latin America, everyone has maids so this does not apply so much), when I live with someone we’ll have to negotiate according to the tasks we hate the most: “hate doing laundry? I’ll do it and you’ll wash dishes”, I refuse to leave work at night to go and wash, clean, cook and serve him a cold one while I try to look pretty, so people won’t say that I look “tired”. If you ever wondered why a wife and mother looks so tired, now you know, maybe she has a useless husband.

Girls that believe that movie romances are real and make the whole gender look stupid

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“When women watch a movie, we wish that our man would be like the main character” WTF??

Today I hear that comment, (the stupidest comment ever) on the radio and it reminded me of two things:

-There is a reason why I don’t listen to that station when the DJs are speaking.

– Men are right to be afraid of women’s unrealistic (surreal?) expectations and wondering of women do or do not have a brain

This type of crazy woman exists! And they are annoyingly clueless…this woman accepted on her show that when she saw “Crazy, Stupid Love” she saw Ryan Gosling and wished that her boyfriend would be like him. I was irritated that she said this in public and generalized so much “women always wish that they had a guy like the movie’s leading men” and “Men do the same all the time and are not judged.

Hhhmmmm OK, you have two options, either imagine that a love where problems disappear after a couple of months and you get your “happily ever after” ending, which will have you committed in a mental institution instead of committed to a real man; or accept that people on real life have flaws and are not going to be all happy, romantic and corny every day, accept that sometimes the most romantic thing a guy can do is to fix your computer and remember your friends’/fish/dog name, and not running to an airport to stop you before you get into the plan and convince you that the many problems that you had (that may or may not include something like an ex-wife that wants to kill you, a mix up of sperm for artificial insemination, that you are his cleaning lady and he makes 200 K a year and/or that you interchanged lives with a 13 year old) are over now, and you can go on and be infinitely happy, without you lifting a finger. Choose your option.

Stupid woman, you are the reason why guys think things like this about women:

–          Talk about feelings all the time

–          Fall in love after 2 months

–          Want to get married as a life goal

–          Want to change everything you are in order for you to be perfect for her

–          Want men to pay for everything

–          Will be happy if they can stop working and just raise their children

The worse was when a guy called and said the truth like no one could have said it better, it was something like this: “Men just look at hot women and think that it would be cool to date them, they don’t want to change their partner so they look/act like them; you are saying that you wish your guy to change into something that he’s not and that is definitely wrong”.

Yes, it is definitely wrong, but to generalize and say that all women do that, is wrong; to be surprised when someone tells you the truth because you hadn’t thought of it, is sad; and until then getting that you’re talking crazy, that is sad.

To finish my neuronal-suicide morning, I listen to an interview with a fanatic Rabi blaming the gays for the earthquake, and finally a diamonds’ ad telling the story about how it’s so cool to trick your man into driving to get you diamonds.