Category Archives: bad friends

People that are stupid and proud and cognitive dissonance

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This morning, while driving in a very bright morning, I started thinking of very productive things such as the people that have pissed me off lately, more specifically, I was wondering why some people say stupid things and I’m all “whatever, continue your stupid existence” about it, while some people really piss me off with their crap. I had an epiphany that connected a very complex psychology concept with the fact that sometimes I just get angry easily.

Cognitive dissonant people: People that make no sense and are all “in your face” about it.

 

[Cultural break]

“The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the feeling of discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs. When there is a discrepancy between beliefs and behaviors, something must change in order to eliminate or reduce the dissonance.” – About.com

[Break is over]

 

They’re stupid and proud about it, or say things that are completely illogical and flaunt it, or are in the wrong and they yell at you! They could just walk around, making use of their lonely two brain cells and live a happy life, and let me live it, but no! They decided to be all up in my face with their amazingly dumb points of view; they are living and walking cognitive dissonance. If there is an echo in your brain from lack of use, why should it affect my life too?

I’m moving to present Exhibit A and B:

 

A: The subject is an Asian male who was driving in front of me yesterday; we had stopped on the lane to turn left on a light. Without making an effort to announce his plans in any way, he proceeded to back his car onto mine for a good 10 seconds, because after being in that lane Mr. I’m the center of the Universe decided that he didn’t want to turn anymore, so he was changing lanes in a very easy breezy way.

Because he is the Center of the Universe, he didn’t care if he ended up with each half of his car on a different lane, therefore blocking my way when the light changed and I was ready to turn. When I honked the horn for him to move, what Mr. Lovely decided to do was to insult me and show me the finger. Really???!!??, so you back your car to change lanes in the middle of traffic, block me so I can’t turn around and YOU’RE angry? Maybe you should call the provincial government so they make sure that when you want to go out and drive; they make it a rule that no one else drives so you can use the streets as your personal race track in reverse.

B: The subject is a female woman from Latin America, from a very small town and a very small brain, who uses Facebook to troll, but unlike most trolls that work undercover on Reddit, she likes to show her face and troll on people’s walls.

My friend and I were commenting on a status about our national football team, when she started trolling like a troll and defending the opposite team, like getting really flustered and rude. Lady, you are supporting a foreign team instead of yours, and instead of doing it quietly you decide to flaunt it, on Facebook, on someone else’s wall, when this person is saying the opposite thing, and you insult their friends.

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WORST THINGS TO SAY TO SOMEONE THAT IS SINGLE /BEST RESPONSES TO SHUT SOMEONE UP WHEN YOU’RE SINGLE

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old maidWhy are you still single?
I used to lock my boyfriends in a basement; one of them escaped and told others, no one wants to date me now.

Wow! You’re biological clock must be ticking now.
No, what is ticking is a bomb that’s on my purse, I’d run if I were you

Your great aunt Whatever is old and alone, never got married and she had the saddest life, be careful!
Good point! I’ll just go smoke and drink alone to make sure I don’t get to that age

Who keeps you company on a lonely afternoon?
My imaginary friend Mary, she comes over and we have tea, she’s sitting right next to you right now!

I don’t see why you’re single when you’re so pretty.
Maybe not shaving my armpits and not wearing deodorant has something to do with it.

When are you planning on getting married?
If you get me a husband for my birthday, I’ll get married that day. Please order with time to spare in order to plan a big wedding.

And then the last one, from Sex and the City:

Charlotte: You have to take risks so you don’t wind up an old maid.
Carrie: Oh! That’s right. Must not wind up old maid. How will l remember that? Does anybody have a pen?

The naked man from How I met your mother, happened in real life

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If you have now idea what this is, on an episode of How I met your mother, a guy talks about this move, “the naked man” that consists of just waiting for a girl, naked, 2 out of 3 times she’ll sleep with you (source: HIMY trusted statistics). This is Barney commenting about THE move: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IB_6tVjvJw8. Well, the guys try this move on that episode.

I know that some guys want to feel like they live in a movie or a TV show, maybe you can get some ideas that you can apply on real life, well, one guy thought that it was a good idea to prove the vailidity of “The Naked Man”.

This happened to a friend, a very nice and innocent friend who trusts everyone. A friend of her friend, a guy that she has many years of knowing, but never was close friends with, lets call him Dummy, said that he was too far from home, and needed a place to stay. Her, as then nice innocent person she is(and since she introduced him to his current girlfriend), offered him a place to stay; he proceded to pull the “naked man” move and tell her to “come here”. I believe that the events that followed were interpreted in radically different ways by both of them, it went something like this:

EVENT: She offered him a place to stay

HE THOUGHT: Finally! I’m sleeping with her, I knew that she wanted me

SHE THOUGHT: I’ll just offer him a place to stay, does my hair look frizzy todat? hmmm

EVENT: She went to the bathroom

HE THOUGHT: This is the moment I was waiting for! I’ll take my clothes off and I’ll wait for her on a very sexy pose that shows my abs, I am the greatest when it comes to seduction tecniques!

SHE THOUGHT: I’ll put on my granny pj’s, the ones with the dinosaours, oh! I’ll brush my teeth and put on the face mask that I bought and I haven’t tried yet

EVENT: She comes out of the bathroom in granny pj’s

HE THOUGHT: She’s just playing hard to get! I’ll have to say something clever (and he said: “come here baby”), cleverest phrase ever!

SHE THOUGHT:WTF, I want to puke. I want to kill him, and puke, what do I do first?

After all these events, after she convinced him to put his clothes back on, he proceded to ask is she was angry, when she said “no”, he thought it was a good idea to ask her again if she would sleep with him. This guy has game!

The naked man didn’t work this time, I guess this is 1 out of 3 times…

I wonder where this guy gets other ideas to apply to his life, maybe he takes grooming and fashion advice from Jersey Shore, and in the future, marriage tips from the Kardashians and parenting advice from Toddlers and Tiaras…

Ross and Rachel from Friends are the worst relationship role model ever

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Recently, I am watching Friends (thanks to my friend who lent me the DVD’s). I like to watch a little bit of TV before bed and since now I live alone and I can’t afford (and it would be stupid considering the size of my place) to get another TV for my room, I am watching Friends in my tiny DVD player.

This show, that I like to call “the most overrated show on TV”, is somehow entertaining. I had missed many episodes when it first aired and now things make even less sense, specially relationships. And after reading Jennifer Aniston’s interview in some magazine that said: “I am sure that Ross and Rachel are together now and have more kids”, this made me want to tell her: “no, such immature people cannot hold a mature relationship”.

This couple was 30 and they acted like 15 year olds, I can’t picture a couple that invented hand signals to curse at each other after being in bed together 15 minutes before, raising their 2 sons and their daughter in a house in the suburbs. I am sure that Rachel list of last names would make Liz Taylor feel envious and that she’d share divorce lawyers with Madonna and one of the ladies from Real Housewives of Atlanta.

The saddest thing about this is how I’ve watched couples fighting like this, and now I just wonder: have some people suffered permanent mental damage from watching too many sitcoms? When you refer to  your boyfriend as pig, dog, or any kind of animal and then you’re still with him; or when you have screaming fights in the line to get into a club; or when you pour too much salt on their meal; or jump in bed and unmake the bed that they just spend a couple minutes obsessive-compulsively making (true story); say this to yourself I AM NOT IN A SITCOM. If you have fights that other people would find funny, you’re just a loser, you’re not a Kardashian, you won’t get a reality show. If you broke up because you wrote a 15 pages letter that your boyfriend didn’t read, and if you only wanted him back when he was with someone else (even after he said your name in his wedding!), please realize that just because Snooki is pregnant and getting married, that doesn’t mean that you can jump from total immaturity to raising a family.

Like my dad used to say “You can choose between being Paris Hilton or Ivanka Trump”, I get the point now dad, Thanks!

Things that you please shouldn’t do on Facebook

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It seems like Facebook rules our lives these days, and that people forgot their morals and basic social rules to give in to Facebook rules; some real, some imaginary.

It is evident that Facebook brings the exhibitionist side in some people, while others just ask themselves: “why does everyone have to know my business? I am annoyed that Facebook is more important than real life now”.

  • Tell us where you are all day long: Our life goes on no matter if you are @the movies, @Starbucks, @living room or @McDonalds. Ask yourself: “why is this relevant to others?” If the answer is: “it is not”, please don’t post (Unless you are at a super cool place, like a concert, the zoo or the moon).
  • Say that you are hungry, thirsty or tired: I read this and I just think that you must have an uninteresting life if the relevant thing that happened to you today is that you’re hungry; at least if you’re tired I know that you did something. Live a little! Make some plans so you can post them on your status and stop boring people.
  • Have 400 friends: 300 of them are people that you don’t talk to, 50 that you don’t know and might be fake profiles that send viruses to everyone you know. No one knows 400 people, period. Also, when people visit your profile they can see the picture of some of your friends, if one of the pictures that you have is of Katrina, a 16 year old girl from Russia in her underwear (true story) now we know that you not only add people that you don’t know, but you may have an addiction to porn.
  • Post 1000 uninteresting pictures taken with your phone: Pictures of your feet, your food (when this is oatmeal, fried eggs or toast), pictures of your car, etc. Again, this ranks 10000 on the list of things that matter to me. You get double the douchebag points if you have your new car as your profile picture. Disclaimer: pictures of cute babies and pets are allowed.
  • Write love letters: We know that you have a boyfriend, congrats! You managed to find someone that can spend more than 3 hours a week with you! We don’t need (or want) to know that your Baby or Honey (or if you’re just a little bit more original Poochie, Coochie, Teddy Bear, Bunny, etc.) is the greatest person ever and you can’t wait to kiss him because he completes you and is the love of your life. Nor we want to know that this vacation is all you needed to reconnect, and you’re not fighting anymore (true story, this was my ex’s gf). If this is something that you wouldn’t even share on a phone call with your best friend, it is something that the rest of us most likely don’t want to see.

NEWSFLASH: Deleting someone from Facebook is not the worse offense in the world. You should know that if I have never seen you, you won’t be on my list; if I haven’t had contact with you in real life for 6 months, you won’t be on my list; if you have offended me or talked behind my back and I am not interested in talking to you in real life anymore, guess what???

 

There is always red flags: if it walks like a duck, and sounds like a duck, and looks like a duck….

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First I want to clarify that I’ve lied to myself too, only to discover that there were flags that I ignored, I am not saying that I am inmune  to this.

We’ve all heard stories about guys who were perfect, and one day turn evil, perfect boyfriends and husbands that turned out to be serial killers, or pedophiles; or most commonly, they turn out to be cheaters and liars, had other wives, etc.

Well, I don’t believe those stories, I don’t believe that you could be married to Dr. Hyde and one day get My. Jekyll. I’m not referring to someone who makes one mistake; I am talking about an entire time period of pretending, lying or cheating.

To live parallel lives and hide that he had a completely different personality, morals and beliefs and cover that up flawlessly, I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT, and I’ll tell you why:

ARE YOU REALLY THAT SURPRISED? REALLY?

Most of the time, after break ups and disappointments about someone, I like to reflect on the learnings for the future (how to prevent this from happening again), well, when I do that, I’ve always found red flags, in every case, every occasion. Are you really that surprised that they guy who said that he admired his sister for having 2 boyfriends without them knowing cheated on you? That the guy whose friends are all liars and party boys lied to you? That the friend that was always upset when you did good in life betrayed you? Really?

This seems logical, but sometimes we forget: we should invest our times and feelings on a person for what they are, not for what they should be or could be, or for what we want them to be. If someone is always talks about themselves and not you, leaves you waiting and cancels at the last minute, expecting consideration is really stupid. If when you told your friend that you were getting married, she started listing all your boyfriend’s flaws and faults and asked you if you were sure you wanted to that, ehem, maybe she’s not a sincere friend.

The red flags are there and we (yes, I include myself) choose to ignore them.

HOW GOOD OF AN ACTOR CAN HE/SHE BE? HOW ABOUT GETTING TO KNOW PEOPLE?

If there were people in real life that could have a fake personality 24/7 and find the perfect lie and excuse for every time they are somewhere else (or with someone else), getting an Oscar would mean nothing.

Come on! How many different (credible) excuses can a guy make for coming home at midnight 4 nights a week, RED BILLBOARD THERE!

And then there is the really important matter of values, a girl who always envies other people, who has betrayed all her friends, can and will not pretend permanently with you to be a super nice person that cares about others unconditionally. I am very sure that before she put Nair on your shampoo she talked sh#@$ about other girls in front of you, and you innocently thought that you were the exception….

HOW ABOUT YOUR 6TH SENSE/INTUITION/SMELL FOR SOMETHING FISHY?

How many times can you be lied to your face without you noticing anything? Not many, I believe.

How many men can cheat and hide all traces, and look at you the same way and act the same way they always did before cheating? Same answer

How many men can be serial cheaters and do the same thing to 6 girlfriends before you without you knowing? Same answer

There is always a change, something that sounds weird, dates that don’t’ match, explanations that don’t make sense, if there weren’t there would be a lot of perfect crimes in the world.

If you think that someone can turn evil overnight without being a werewolf, you are discounting all the time that you spent with them, your intuition and smarts and basically saying that they’ve got the acting stills of Al Pacino (whom I love FYI).

Mathematically, if someone is covering up for an entire personality or living a double life 24/7, there are too many mistakes that they can make for you not to catch ANY, basic probability laws.

>"Glass half full", "glass half empty" and "my glass is half empty, cracked and filled with dirty water"

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>I am not the most positive person sometimes, I am indeed sarcastic, sometimes my humour is dark, and sometimes I feel the need to give me or my friends reality checks.
But I now, that in the end, everything will be alright. I think that to gain the right to complain about something more than once, you should at least be doing something about it; listening to a person complain and complain about the same thing day after day, while avoiding making a decision can be draining, and boring; how many times can you say to a person: “It’ll be OK, but to get a job you need to at least apply somewhere”.
It’s going to be a little bit hard to meet people if you stay in your room, where your only friend is a bottle with a high percentage of alcohol; the hr department of your company of choice is not going to come knocking down your door and that needy and depressed look you have at the moment doesn’t scream “sexy and available”.
Life doesn’t solve itself magically you know! There is a persian saying that I love: ” Tie your horse and then pray that it doesn’t run away”.
Also after falling down, staying in the floor can be boring, and dirty…after crying, kicking and screaming, get up please! do the people around you a favour.
It is very hard to share your time and make plans to a person that likes to mop around, if you are or you try to be a positive person, this turns out to be impossible:
– You are happy when a friend is doing good, they are reminded of what they don’t have: Stop talking about your boyfriend until I get one please!
– You bond over jokes, happines a hobbies, they bond over mutual tragedies: Lets get together and drink thinking about how much we miss our families and that we are poor
– If people ask how you are, you thank them and try to ask sincerilty, they take it as a personal attack: “You ask because you know they’re doing bad and want to hear about it.
OK, I guess everyone has been too negative or too depressed at least once in their lives, but when I call a friend to tell them I am going to get a raise, I would like them to say: Good for you! and not: “Really? Too many good things happen to you”