We are prepared to recognize and reject frenemy women, but what about frenemy boyfriends? If you are a somewhat successful woman, or at least someone who knows what she wants, I am sure that you have dated this guy. Suddenly it seems like every little thing that you succeed at is giving you negative points with him, if he’s a nice guy he seems hurt, and if he’s an ass#$% he tries to put you down.
Berger seemed hurt about Carrie’s book selling and about her getting a big check, even about her being famous! We should have suspected that he wasn’t so sane after he gave his ex-girlfriend a double middle finger. The time when he gets angry because Charlotte doesn’t like carnations is truly disturbing, and then he tops it all up with asking for time off, then saying that he wants to get back together and then sneaking away in the middle of the night.
So everything is going great, he looks really happy for you when you get this really good job; until something goes wrong in his life and when you try to help, he says something like: “You don’t understand because you always have such good luck yourself” or “You always get what you want”, or “things are so easy for you” RED FLAG. Then one day someone makes a comment on how you’re smarter than him and it’s all downhill from there, he starts criticizing you to the point of being mean to you, until one day he breaks up with you on a Post It. And goes on to date a girl whose IQ is slightly higher than the one of the stuffed reindeer she gave him for Christmas, plus her hobby is stalking you to verify that you and him have no contact and posting 40 pictures of them kissing on FB everyday.
Sometimes the guy seems very confident, until you get a promotion and he says that “they had no one else to give this job too” or that “you shouldn’t be getting a bonus when people like Mary have much harder jobs and didn’t get one”. We shouldn’t put up with this crap.
Or maybe he thinks that you’re too good looking for him, so he proceeds to call you fat, say that you have a big ass and compare you to a whale when you weigh 125 pounds. Somehow that is supposed to make his beer belly and wrinkles disappear on your eyes.
Recently, a friend was commenting on how she thought that being confident and independent was scaring away guys, to which I responded: yes, but it’s the wrong kind of guy anyway. Because I have dated him and I’ve seen my friends date him, he only feels like a big strong man when next to a girl that is not the brightest crayon in the box, who needs 4 hashtags and 5 emoticons to correctly express herself in one sentence and who wears liquid eyeliner to yoga. You are not her, you don’t want to be her, so let him go and have not so bright baby crayons with her. Maybe they’ll name their daughter Hashtag and be happily ever after.