First I want to clarify that I’ve lied to myself too, only to discover that there were flags that I ignored, I am not saying that I am inmune to this.
We’ve all heard stories about guys who were perfect, and one day turn evil, perfect boyfriends and husbands that turned out to be serial killers, or pedophiles; or most commonly, they turn out to be cheaters and liars, had other wives, etc.
Well, I don’t believe those stories, I don’t believe that you could be married to Dr. Hyde and one day get My. Jekyll. I’m not referring to someone who makes one mistake; I am talking about an entire time period of pretending, lying or cheating.
To live parallel lives and hide that he had a completely different personality, morals and beliefs and cover that up flawlessly, I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT, and I’ll tell you why:
ARE YOU REALLY THAT SURPRISED? REALLY?
Most of the time, after break ups and disappointments about someone, I like to reflect on the learnings for the future (how to prevent this from happening again), well, when I do that, I’ve always found red flags, in every case, every occasion. Are you really that surprised that they guy who said that he admired his sister for having 2 boyfriends without them knowing cheated on you? That the guy whose friends are all liars and party boys lied to you? That the friend that was always upset when you did good in life betrayed you? Really?
This seems logical, but sometimes we forget: we should invest our times and feelings on a person for what they are, not for what they should be or could be, or for what we want them to be. If someone is always talks about themselves and not you, leaves you waiting and cancels at the last minute, expecting consideration is really stupid. If when you told your friend that you were getting married, she started listing all your boyfriend’s flaws and faults and asked you if you were sure you wanted to that, ehem, maybe she’s not a sincere friend.
The red flags are there and we (yes, I include myself) choose to ignore them.
HOW GOOD OF AN ACTOR CAN HE/SHE BE? HOW ABOUT GETTING TO KNOW PEOPLE?
If there were people in real life that could have a fake personality 24/7 and find the perfect lie and excuse for every time they are somewhere else (or with someone else), getting an Oscar would mean nothing.
Come on! How many different (credible) excuses can a guy make for coming home at midnight 4 nights a week, RED BILLBOARD THERE!
And then there is the really important matter of values, a girl who always envies other people, who has betrayed all her friends, can and will not pretend permanently with you to be a super nice person that cares about others unconditionally. I am very sure that before she put Nair on your shampoo she talked sh#@$ about other girls in front of you, and you innocently thought that you were the exception….
HOW ABOUT YOUR 6TH SENSE/INTUITION/SMELL FOR SOMETHING FISHY?
How many times can you be lied to your face without you noticing anything? Not many, I believe.
How many men can cheat and hide all traces, and look at you the same way and act the same way they always did before cheating? Same answer
How many men can be serial cheaters and do the same thing to 6 girlfriends before you without you knowing? Same answer
There is always a change, something that sounds weird, dates that don’t’ match, explanations that don’t make sense, if there weren’t there would be a lot of perfect crimes in the world.
If you think that someone can turn evil overnight without being a werewolf, you are discounting all the time that you spent with them, your intuition and smarts and basically saying that they’ve got the acting stills of Al Pacino (whom I love FYI).
Mathematically, if someone is covering up for an entire personality or living a double life 24/7, there are too many mistakes that they can make for you not to catch ANY, basic probability laws.