The story of the mushroom guy

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>I was inspired to write this when I read about a fellow blogger’s contest for the best story of the worst date ever. Even if the contest is over I need to write this since this is a story that needs to be told for the world to enjoy and laugh sarcastically at.
This guy was cute, after a short 1st date just to make sure the other one was not insane (he did an amazing job at hiding that), he asked me out to a restaurant.
I am going to recreate the worst parts of the date:

We should play a game about food
I said that I already had something to eat, that we should share an appetizer.
Him: Lets play a game! We should eliminate plate by plate and then the last one that remains is what we will order
Me: (look of disbelief)
Him: Come on! It’ll be fun! (pointing at the menu). Which thing do you hate, so we can eliminate it first?
Me: Lets just order the vegetarian plate, please

Now we should talk about food
H: What is your favourite fruit?
M: Strawberries
H: Mine is watermelon. What is your favourite type of melon?
M: (Laughing sarcastically and playing along) It’s watermelon too! What a coincidence
H: Explains the reasons why watermelon is cool and delicious

Olives are important
H: I hope you like olives, I want a girlfriend that likes olives
M: Why is that?
H: I just love olives as an appetizer. I hope you don’t eat mushrooms
M: Sorry, I love them.
H: But why??? They are like a waste, like something dirty that comes from the earth

Did you want to hear about my injury?
M: …I usually get nauseuous when I hear about blood, injuries or things like that
H: That reminds me of the time when I cut my finger to the bone, I was holding some grapes and grabbed a knife that wasn’t sharp enough, etc, etc

By the way I hate gays
H: I had a gay boss before, what I didn’t like is that he was always flirting with me, and sometimes, when the clients were gay he took me to gay bars to close the deal. He used me.

After all this, he sent me a message saying that he had a great time and we should do it again, because the date was too short (It was short for a reason: I had to run away). To which I answered that I didn’t think we had enough chemistry (what an understatement!)

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About One Day in the Life of a Sarcastic Girl (sarcasticbloggirl)

Sarcastic humour, lyrics connoisseur, music lover, comedy lover, wannabe writer, Seinfeld lover, indie pop lover, Harry Potter biggest fan I love reality TV and how you watch it without using your brain I have a hard time not telling people what I think of them all the time I was going to be a lawyer, I can argue a case, even with myself I was addicted to sugar and I had so much that I got tired of it I like rap and hip hop too much for a girl I am obsesive-compulsive about personal hygiene My philosophy in life is "Learn from every mistake"... I'm working on not dwelling on every mistake too much

2 responses »

  1. >Pretty sure I commented on this when it was posted on Quarter for Her Thought's Bad Dating page. HOnestly – I can't believe that people this awful exist in the world. And where oh where do they come from? ugh. -T.

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